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I was sat in my car the other day waiting for

I was sat in my car the other day waiting for my missus to come out of the train station. I got a text saying her train was delayed, so I put the heating on and shut my eyes. Every 20 minutes I had somebody knocking on my window asking for the time, so eventually I wrote on a notepad ”I DO NOT HAVE THE TIME” and put it on my dashboard, not 15 minutes goes past when somebody woke me up, knocking on my window shouting ”It’s 10 past 4 mate!”

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I’ve just crashed at eighty miles an hour int

I’ve just crashed at eighty miles an hour into the office of a large financial advisors’ company.
The car went straight through the window at the front, halfway through the building and came to rest at the Capital Investment desk.
If I was travelling eight miles an hour faster, I’d have gone all the way back to the Futures.

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