Before my big job interview,I asked my mate in H.R If he had any tips.
”First impressions count,so make it a good one” he said.
After the interview,he rang me to see how I went on.
”It could have gone better,I dont think I will get it though” I sighed.
”What makes you say that?”
”I tried too hard with my first impression.My Simon Cowell bombed,so I tried my Bruce Forsyth but I had already lost them by that stage I think”.
I was sat on a busy train with my satchel on the seat next to me. An old woman approached and said sarcastically, ”Your bag must be exhausted”.
”Sorry” I replied. ”I’ll move it”.
So I turned to my pregnant wife standing nearby and suggested she check the next carriage.
‘Darling, promise you’d never cheat with me with another woman?” said the wife.
”Oh course not dear, I’m 100% sure of that!” I replied.
”You’re such a sweetie!” she cooed. ”How are you so certain?”
”Cos if I was with another woman, I’d never cheat on her with such an ugly fat cow like you.”
My mates little sister was telling me what she wanted for christmas, she stated that she wanted a facial at a spa.
I told her i would take her now, she was absoulted delighted. Then she asked ‘what we doing at the spar shop?’
I said, ‘come with me you’ll see.’